Writing while mom

So recently I met a new writer. She's also a mom. We chatted about how we fit in writing and life and being a mom, being a wife. It's hard to juggle it all. There were times where she was a full-time producer and then had little time for writing let alone enough time to do things with her kids she wanted. So she's decided to put off on the producer jobs. But I can relate, because I have a lot of freelance advertising work right now, but then squeezing in my screenwriting isn't easy. Which is why I rarely find time to write my blog. There's only so many hours in the day. So what's a writing mom to do?

I'm hardly saying dads who work don't feel the same way. So if you're a writing working dad, please don't feel dissed. And I'd love to hear your challenges too. But for some reason, it seems like even the extra mom stuff falls on us. Or maybe it's just that we moms let it fall our way and we don't release it to the dad. Stuff like filling out the school papers, doing the back-to-school nights, parent-teacher conferences. As the years go on, I have tried to release some of that to my husband. The more I send his way, the more he seems fine with doing it. Maybe sometimes all it takes is asking them to do it.

Since I rarely have time to read, I'm listening to an awesome audible book right now, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I'm enjoying it so much that I will surely mention her in other posts. But she was a busy working mom and an author. And she says how women guilt other women by judging what kind of mom they are. Of course when I hear her say that, in my mind I think, how awful, who does that? But then she goes on to say, "And if you miss your child's school play, it doesn't make you less of a good mom." But inside I'm thinking, yes it does! How awful is that? I went straight to, "No way would I ever do that." Okay, I'm not judging another mom, but I am judging myself harshly. And maybe driving myself crazy trying to meet impossible mom goals!

So what's a working writing mom to do? Of course, we have to make our writing a priority or we'd never get any done. But with so many priorities how do we choose which one comes first? Grocery shopping? Feeding the kids? Taking them to school? Writing? Like I said, I've given some important chores over to my husband. But even then, there still is very little time to find for writing.

I definitely have learned not to get upset if the house isn't perfectly clean, mostly clean has become more the norm. Clean laundry? Okay, so it's on the couch and not put away a few days before it gets put away. Home-cooked meals that don't have much variety from week-to-week? Okay, but at least we're eating together and it's home-cooked. I'm not sure what your level of doing the best you can is, but I really think as a working writing mom or dad, we're all doing the best we can. And before we know it, our kids will be out of the house. But our writing will always be our passion and if we're lucky, a full-time career.

So maybe all we can do is find the time when we have it. Squeeze in an hour a day, 15 minutes on other days, three hours on a weekend if the kids are at a friend's if we're lucky. And before we know it, it all adds up. But making ourselves feel guilty over what we're not doing as parents? Who really has time for that? I'm definitely trying to learn to forgive myself when I can't do it all. I mean, is anyone really doing it all? I bet not.

Break down your goals

So when we become screenwriters, I think it's safe to say that most of us think we'll write that one magic script, it will be our first of course, and then wham, we'll go on to being rich and famous, lunching with Brad and Angie of course, right? Yeah, doesn't work like that. Even when we read the trades that "Screenwriter sells first script!", I'm guaranteeing you that it was their first script they sold, not the first script they wrote. See, being a screenwriter whether in TV or film is not for the faint of heart. There is no overnight success. Even these young prodigies that might have some amazing writing career at lets say, 23, have probably been writing since they were five years old. I for one, did not hone my craft at five. And you most likely haven't either. So what's my point? That this journey might take a while and you have to be prepared for that. So instead of getting overwhelmed by it taking awhile, maybe you need to set many kinds of goals instead of: "become hugely successful screenwriter in 2015". Because if that's your only goal for this year, or any year, you might be disappointed and give up. So, instead, why not set up smaller goals, ones you can achieve.

For instance, if you're just starting out as a writer, perhaps your goals are like:
1. Take a screenwriting class.
2. Get an outline written
3. Write a first draft.

Maybe that's all you'll accomplish your first year.

If you've been writing a few years and have a few scripts written maybe it's goals like:
1. Enter the Nicholl's and other important contests
2. Find screenwriting producers I can query
3. Reach out to managers and get a script read

Because even those might not end up the successes you'd hope for. You might enter a contest, but not do well, query producers and managers and not hear back. So then you have to alter your goals again. Such as:

1. Take another screenwriting class to place higher in Nicholl's and other contests
2. Get yeses from producers to read scripts
3. Get managers to actually say yes they'll read a script

See the difference on setting goals? Instead of it being an all or nothing in your writing, make them smaller goals and adjust them every year. Every month if that helps. Because I've seen many talented writers drop out of this journey only because I think they thought it would be a quicker one than it was. But if you break down those goals, keep moving that finish line, eventually you're going to reach success. Doors are going to open. And before long, you'll have to tell Brad and Angie to stop bothering you to go to lunch, you're busy! :)

"Come up" and come on down!

So writing my second review of the short films that I saw at the IFFCA film festival. I thought today I'd write about the topic, what if you're trying to do your own short film? Well, there's some things to consider first. Like knowing what is the best scenario and story to do for your film. I can imagine it's got to be a tricky thing for most writers/directors/producers, picking that one story. And a short one has to pack the punch of a feature, but quicker. For me, seeing what worked at the festival inspired me to want to do my own for sure.

Now I would say that there was no genre that was better over others, but what really mattered was if there was a story or not. There were a few short films, that I won't mention, that didn't really fit that bill and I felt suffered because of it. But the rest were great at being mini movies. So if you have yet to do your own short film and you're looking to try your hand at one, be sure you include the beginning, middle and end, with the goal and obstacles, just like any feature. And if you can, throw in a twist.

One of the short films that I felt did a great job at this was called "Come Up" directed by Christopher Boyd. It was a funny story based on an action film that happens on the set of an action film. A lot of the humor in this piece faired best with people in the industry, as you could hear them laugh the loudest during the film. Inside jokes, for sure, but that didn't mean people who hadn't worked on a set couldn't get enjoyment out of it. But I have heard from industry producers that movies about the biz don't do well outside of the group that makes them because regular movie-going folks just don't care or get the story as well. I think as far as doing a piece for a short film festival, doing a movie about the industry is perfect though. Because who else is probably going to see most of these festivals, but your movie biz peers? 

The people who created this film talked about how they figured this story out while on the set, which is another way to get your story ideas for shorts or any story you're writing. Write what you know, you know? Because when you do, the audience can tell and that comes across as a solid piece of film. 

What's your plan to succeed?

What are you doing to move your writing career forward? Are you writing a new script? Are you working on an outline? Are you entering contests? Contacting managers? It doesn't matter what you're doing, but be doing something!

Jack Canfield in his Success Principles book talks about we should do 5 things every day that help us achieve our goal. Now, if I'm seeking a manager, contacting 5 managers every day, sure, could make it happen. But a lot of times managers don't want to hear from writers that have yet to succeed. So screenwriting doesn't always fit with that mold. But, there are ways around that. Perhaps it's taking another class to get your screenplays even stronger, so that you can enter contests, so that you can get the attention of those managers. Or maybe it's finding a new writing group, one that can really challenge you and make you a better writer. The key is to evaluate what your situation is, and ask yourself if it's propelling you towards the success you want.

Or maybe it's making a list of people you are friends with, or friends of friends with, who know people who know managers. A talented writing friend of mine queried a lot of managers and no one was interested. But then he found out a friend of his knew this manager, and that was how he got in. So even just moving forward on your goal can set the universe into action and make things happen in a way you didn't predict. So don't worry about wasting your time. You're never wasting your time if you're trying to achieve a goal and you're taking steps towards it.

Just have a plan, be clear about what you want, write it down, and go after it, every day. Eventually you will succeed.